Self-confident people seem at ease with themselves and their work. They invite trust and inspire confidence in others. These are all attractive characteristics to have. But it's not always easy to be confident in yourself, particularly if you're naturally self-critical or if other people put you down. Thankfully, there are steps you can take to increase and maintain your self-confidence.
What Is Self-Confidence – and Why Is It Important?
Self-confidence means trusting in your own judgment, capacities and abilities. It's about valuing yourself and feeling worthy, regardless of any imperfections or what others may believe about you.
Self-efficacy and self-esteem are often used interchangeably with self-confidence. But they are subtly different. We gain a sense of self-efficacy when we see ourselves mastering skills and achieving goals. This encourages us to believe that, if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we'll succeed. It's this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges and keep going in the face of setbacks. Self-esteem is a more general sense that we can cope with what's going on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy. Also, self-esteem comes, in part, from the feeling that the people around us approve of us. We may or may not be able to control this, and if we experience a lot of criticism or rejection from others, our self-esteem can easily suffer unless we support it in other ways.
Confidence and Behaviour
Take a look at the list below, which compares confident behaviour with behaviour that's associated with low self-confidence. Which thoughts or actions do you recognize in yourself?
Confident Behaviour:
Doing what you believe to be right, even if others mock or criticize you for it.
Being willing to take risks and to go the extra mile to achieve better things.
Admitting your mistakes and learning from them.
Waiting for others to congratulate you on your accomplishments.
Accepting compliments graciously. "Thanks, I really worked hard on that prospectus. I'm pleased you recognize my efforts."
Behaviour Associated With Low Self-Confidence:
Governing your behaviour based on what other people think.
Staying in your comfort zone, fearing failure, and avoiding risk.
Working hard to cover up mistakes and hoping that you can fix the problem before anyone notices.
Extolling your own virtues as often as possible to as many people as possible.
Dismissing compliments offhandedly. "Oh, that prospectus was nothing, really. Anyone could have done it."
As these examples show, low self-confidence can be self-destructive, and may manifest itself as negativity. Self-confident people are generally more positive – they value themselves and trust their judgment. But they also acknowledge their failures and mistakes, and learn from them.
Why Self-Confidence Matters
Self-confidence is vital in almost every aspect of our lives, yet many people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can become a vicious cycle: people who lack self-confidence are less likely to achieve the success that could give them more confidence.
For example, you may not be inclined to back a project that's pitched by someone who's visibly nervous, fumbling, or constantly apologizing. On the other hand, you're persuaded by someone who speaks clearly, holds their head high, and answers questions with assurance.
Confident people inspire confidence in others: their audience, their co-workers, their bosses, their customers, and their friends. And gaining the confidence of others is one of the key ways to succeed. In the following sections, we'll see how you can do this.
How to Appear More Confident to Others
Picture anyone you know that you think of as highly confident – what characteristics do they have that make you think this? It's most likely one or more of these things:
the way they speak (tone, how they project their voice, words),
their energy and enthusiasm,
how expert or knowledgeable they are about something.
You can show self-confidence in your behaviour, your body language, and in what you say and how you say it.
Projecting a positive image to others can help you to improve your self-confidence. It's not simply a matter of "faking it" – if you project with confidence, others are more likely to respond well, and this positive feedback will help you to believe in yourself.
Body Language
When we feel anxious, at meetings for instance, we tend to make ourselves smaller by slouching, hunching our shoulders, and bowing our heads. Simply sitting up straight can make you feel less stressed and more assertive. If you're presenting, spreading your hands apart with palms slightly toward your audience shows openness and a willingness to share ideas.
Face-to-Face Communication
People with low self-confidence often find it difficult to make a good first impression – whether they're meeting a client, addressing a meeting, or giving a presentation. You may be shy or unsure of yourself, but you can take immediate steps to appear more confident. Engaging with people is important, so maintain eye contact while you talk. This shows that you're interested in what the other person is saying, and that you're taking an active part in the conversation. Don't fidget or look away while the conversation continues, as this can make you appear distracted or anxious.
Build Expert Power
You are likely to appear (and feel) confident when you know what you're talking about. With a wealth of knowledge on a subject, you'll be more prepared to answer questions and speak on the spot. If you lack confidence because of a gap in your expertise, work on finding out more information. Are there any relevant webinars or events you could attend? Is there a course you could take? Or perhaps you could find a mentor.
Three Ways to Build Your Confidence
While there are quick fixes to address acute issues with your self-confidence, building confidence in the long term requires making some changes to your lifestyle and forming robust plans. Here are three ways to do that:
1. Build Confident Habits
To develop and improve your self-esteem, aim to develop good habits – and break bad ones! Regular exercise and a healthy diet can dramatically improve your physical and mental health . And studies have shown that getting a good night's sleep is linked with increased optimism and self-esteem. Working on your personal branding can also help. If you project a positive image of your authentic self, you'll likely start to receive the positive feedback that's so important to your self-confidence.
2. Review Past Achievements
Your self-confidence will increase when you're able to say, "I can do this, and here's the evidence." List the 10 things that you're most proud of in an "achievement log." Then use them to make positive affirmations about what you can do. These statements are particularly powerful if you tend to undermine your confidence with negative self-talk.
3. Set Confidence-Boosting Goals
Setting and achieving goals – and seeing how far you've come – are key ways to develop self-confidence. Set goals that play to your strengths, minimize your weaknesses, and take advantage of your opportunities. When you've identified the major goals you want to achieve, clarify the first steps you need to take. Make sure that they're small steps, taking no longer than an hour to do. This will get the ball rolling and improve your confidence through the achievement of appropriate goals.
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